Empathy or Narcissism
Empathy or Narcissism
Greetings Golfers,
Last week I played golf with 2 old friends … the Pro Shop tossed a single in with us. Young guy … looked athletic … wondered what he thought meeting us.
So he threw his clubs on with me and started down the Yellow Brick Road. And the whole round was Oz - magical … and yet the vibe was Kansas - real.
Well, the young fella had the round of his life - score wise. He also said it was the most enjoyable round of his life. Amazing how that can go hand-in-hand.
People thrive in an atmosphere of support … not an atmosphere of criticism.
Empaths support … narcissists criticize. That’s because narcissists only see life as a power play… they don’t understand or respect empathy.
Narcissists love to tell people what to do. And if you get angry or annoyed … you’re the bad guy.
Hope you’re in the mood for some stories about recent dealings with narcissists:
Had a guy scold one of our staff about how to answer the phone. And this staff member is amazingly charming in person or on the phone. But charming or not - how is that guy’s role to scold?
Had a cart kid try to lecture me on his rights at DRGC. Basically, that this was his country club and could do whatever he pleased. He didn’t say that … but his attitude and statements did.
Had a guy complain that the Range was closed 2 days in a row due to events. And, that was interfering with his golf lessons. PGA Pros have their own turf … and must bless other Pros giving lessons on their turf.
Had a neighbor complain because the range was closed. Even though it was so wet that the balls plugged.
In every single one of these situations … they were rude and demanding … yet when I defended our staff and operation … I was the bad guy.
Bottom line - narcissists want what they want. If they can’t have it … they get rude, angry and bossy.
The bossy thing probably drives me the craziest.
The childish need for always getting what they want … is not attractive … but the bossy thing is way worse. The arrogance behind it is mind-boggling.
So let’s talk about empaths. “Empaths are highly attuned to emotions of others, both subtle and overt.”
I think that our staff is mostly made-up with empaths. You can feel it. People care. Doesn’t mean they’re “heavy” … you can feel deeply and still be “light”. And I like to think that’s pretty descriptive of our staff.
So back to narcissists. They only feel when it comes to their feelings. So they only see things through a power-lens. Thus, they can’t understand an empath. They usually mistake the empath’s kindness for weakness. And they live for seeing the empath do something wrong … they can’t stand the thought that something might matter more than power.
Over 50 years ago at a Marshall Tucker concert in Arizona … (while in the “enlightened” mood of the concert) … my buddy stood-up and declared that the band was just a pawn and that life is all about power. I stood-up and declared that life is all about love.
He crashed to his knees. He knew I was right.
Empaths have screwed-up by allowing or even rewarding narcissistic behavior. That’s misguided kindness.
That empathetic emotional energy can be harnessed and used to
stand-up to narcissists.
Kindness doesn’t mean weakness. Narcissists - take cover!
Cheers!
Tom Abts
GM/Head PGA Professional
tabts@deerrungolf.com